Booze, Guns, and eventually The Cops

A one-act, one-scene play

by J. Montgomery Spencer

Dramatis Persona: Russell, Amber, John, Alex, The Cops, and Jimi as the Marquis de Frey.

SETTING: The House of Frey.

(in the garden pavilion Russell, Amber, John, and Jimi sit drinking with a cache of firearms and fireworks)

JIMI: Dear friends, it appears that my cup run’th empty. Fair wench, fetch me another ale.
AMBER: Most assuredly Master Jimi. Let me first expend the contents of this 357 magnum into yonder lawn tractor.
JOHN: Allow me good shrew, as I am making my way to the refreshment table to drink of the distilled sprit, but not before lighting it aflame.
RUSSELL: Tis a most grand of summer days. I would propose that before we send another battery of roman candles to neighboring fields, that I should be hoisted by my ankles over the keg for a display of drinking seen not before on these grounds.
JIMI: I second the motion.
JOHN: I too second it.
AMBER: Three cheers for Russell!
ALL: Hooray!(gunfire)
(John and Jimi lift Russell over the keg to drink)
RUSSELL: My good man Jimi, you surely do know how to throw a party for all seasons.
AMBER: Three cheers for the Marquis de Frey!
ALL: Hooray!(gunfire)
JIMI: My friends, you are too kind. For it is you that make my parties so gay.
AMBER: Three cheers for ourselves!
ALL: Hooray!(gunfire)
(enter Alex on horseback)
RUSSELL: It appears that my messenger has arrived. What news have you brought Alexander of the Lost Temper?
ALEX: While foraging in the woods for snappy puns, I came upon a bridge. And from its iron grating I have procured this stack of porno mags.
JIMI: Then let us feast this day upon good man Alexander’s bounty of pornography. Have a drink Alex, for you are the man of the hour.
ALEX: I should make hast, as the keg has become buoyant since I last drank from it.
AMBER: Will’st anyone join me for a couple of shots?
JOHN: I shall, as I am fully loaded.(gunfire)
(enter The Cops)
FIRST COP: What the hell are you kids doing?
JIMI: Well, Killers of Buzz. I am the Marquis de Frey and these are my good friends. We have taken occasion to drink in mass and fill this lovely day with lead and the sound of furious explosions.
ALL: Hooray!(gunfire)
SECOND COP: Yeah, you’re all going to jail now.
THE END.