An open letter to the BSU Student Senate

I am a student at BSU living in Pine Hall. As of late there has been much ado about this proposed smoking ban on campus. As a resident of this school, I am wondering why. Who would want to enact such legislation? Frankly, what is the point?
To recap the score, Beltrami County has joined Olmsted County in imposing a county wide ban on smoking in public places. Knowing the local politics of Olmsted County, I can give them a pass due to their ideology. The city of Duluth has also imposed a similar ban. The ban in Duluth has been a goldmine for the city of Superior, as the free willed individual will make the 2 minute commute across the border to drink in Wisconsin. Rochester has shot itself in the foot in the same manner regarding lost revenue.
Here at BSU, you have a choice whether you wish to live on campus or not. You also have to the choice, if you wish to live on campus, weather you wish to live on a smoking floor, or even in a dorm with a smoking allowed at all. With all these choices, I wonder who would want to impose a ban on smoking in smoking dorms? They are smoking dorms, shouldn’t smokers be able to smoke in them?
I was reading the school’s newspaper last week, and I found a person’s letter, who was in favor of such a ban. This person did not in fact live on campus, but lived off campus. This irks me to such a degree. You see, this person can afford to live off campus in the smoking environment of her choice. With a smoking ban on campus, she could still smoke in her domicile. Yet she has a voice whether I can make the same decision on campus. Some people have it all.
After reading this essay I thought about the ban on drinking on campus. This woman does not have to adhere to this ban, although I do, even though I’m 25 years of age. Let’s say the Student Senate bans the drinking of alcohol for all students in their place of residency (and had some way of enforcing this). Would this student be so quick to change the rules on her fellow student?
As to the issue of this vote on a smoking ban, I wonder why there is a general vote in the first place. Think about it. Would the US have a general election to select the governor of Minnesota? Of course not. This is the difference between a republic and anarchy. I did a hypothetical case study. Let’s say that every resident of the State of Minnesota wanted Al Stewart to be the next governor of Minnesota, and every resident of Cook County Illinois wanted Alice Cooper to be the governor of Minnesota. Cook County has more people than the whole state of Minnesota, but they don’t live here. So why would Alice Cooper have to be our new governor? What does the voice of those who don’t live here have to do with us in a statewide decision?
My point lies in here. If there is to be a total dorm-wide ban on smoking, should we not ask only those who live on smoking floors, or in buildings that contain these floors? Personally I wonder what great knowledge some 17 year old freshman has over a grown man who has been around the block a few times? The answer, in all but a couple cases, is nothing. The vote on this matter should be contained to those who it would effect at all. Those who live on smoking floors, or in smoking buildings. And even at that, you could make only one dorm exclusively smoking, and fill it. A total ban on smoking is wrong in concept and it will prove so in practice. This proposed ban will equal less students living on campus, which will equal less revenue for the school, which will equal higher tuition and living fees.
I also want to know who wants to impose this ban on myself and every other person who lives on a smoking floor. I want names, because if I find out who you are I’m gonna try and offend you. I might even go as so far as smoke in my own room.

-Jack Spencer

"Pornography On Campus"

by :J. Montgomery Spencer

The other day I was searching the Internet for some information on Andrew Jackson, when I came upon a pornographic web site. Now I had heard of these things before, but I always thought that they were kept in a special place in the Internet. Not this site. It was third in a list of essays on Jacksonian America. It didn’t tell me it was going to be pornographic in nature, so I was quite surprised to see this young woman sodomized by a man who probably wasn’t in love with her.

Quickly I called my Residential Advisor to tell him of this occurrence. And to my shock, he said that it wasn’t uncommon at all. In fact, he said it was very common for people to not only stumble upon pornography, but to actively search for this smut on a regular basis. He went on to say that this sort of perversion is usually enjoyed (if you can even call it that) by self-pleasuring oneself.

Do people not know of the evils that pornography leads to in society? Can they not see that pornography (or porno, for short) is against everything that Jesus stood for? Isn’t it a fact that pornography probably has something to do with this nation’s growing illegitimacy rate?

As a concerned citizen and student here at BSU, I will be petitioning Student Senate to ban all pornography from campus. This ban will surely turn the tide on a growing trend of sexual deviants and homosexuals in the community. It may also cut down on a student’s laundry bill. Knowing what I know now, I can’t sleep at night with the thought that someone, maybe even my neighbor, could be looking at pornography.

Conversations with Motorcycles in Winter

Conversations with motorcycles in winter

by: J. Montgomery Spencer

The sun is out again.
Fourth day in a row.
Is that pavement I see in the streets?
Perhaps it is no more than an illusion.
Look again.
I thought I saw a yellow stripe.
Eureka John! We’ve struck asphalt.
Run and tell the motorcycle.

But the motorcycles are sleeping.
No, its forty degrees out.
I know they are restless in their garage confines.
Go to them.
I will.

Hello friends, remember me?
Friend. You are no friend of ours.
Don’t say that. I heard you calling.
We’ve always been, you have just been deaf.
Maybe. I’ve been busy you know.
We’ve been busy too. Busy rusting!
Stop it. I took care of all that.

Really? Look around this place.
Your tools are where you left them.
That plug wrench is still sitting on my cam cover.
Where is my new hydraulic clutch?
What happened to my new fork seals?
I miss my GT brothers. Are they still at your mother’s?
Why do you still have that fly paper hanging up?
Shit, this guy wouldn’t know what to do
with a ratchet if he could find one.

Stop!
I’m sorry.
I have just been under the gun with work and school.
It’s been so cold, I didn’t want to come out here.
What about...
And I know you had to be here.
But you’re made of tougher stuff than I.
Sorry.

I just need a title.
That’s all.
Guilty.
You are guilty of neglect.
No, I took care of you guys before the snows.
I took your batteries out, they’re sitting in my room.
I changed your oil. See the old stuff is in that pan there.
I drained your tanks and carb bowls.
Not mine!
What?
You forgot mine.
No, I could have sworn I....

You were drunk!
See, the vomit is still on the fucking floor.
This man is guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty!

Yes, maybe I am.
But I didn’t forget about you.
I wrote a paper on carb cleaning.
I wrote it for you.
Yeah. First class writing there Jack.
Next time you phone it in, leave us out.

Okay, Saturday. I’ll get you your clutch line made.
You’ll need a measuring tape for that.
Where’s your measuring tape?
I think he left it in Joliet.
At least that’s what the micrometer said.
Hey, leave the micrometer out of it.
He’s doesn’t even know the metric system.

I can get a new tape measure.
When, Saturday?
Yeah. Saturday.
Tomorrow Saturday, or next month Saturday?
Tomorrow, its my day off.
Everyday is your day off.
Shut the fuck up!
Shut up, or I’ll strip every single one of you guys
down to your frames. I swear to God.

No, I wouldn’t do that to you. I love you.
Tomorrow I’ll come over. We’ll clean up around the place.
Maybe I’ll even take you out for a ride.
You really mean it?
Yep.
Well, you’ll need to fill up your gas tank.
Don’t forget it.
And your air compressor.
And our batteries.
Maybe some 2-stoke oil for me.
Have you figured out how to re-wire my brake lights?
No, I forgot.
You used to like to do those kinds of things.
Well, you used to like to shift into second.

I’m going now.
I’ll see you in the afternoon.
What, no kiss?
Goodbye.

Crazy motorcycles.